Living Thoughts vs. Writing Thoughts

I love to read and I love to write.  I’m not a professional writer but a journaler. I think journalers are somewhat different than writers in that they generally write with the idea that nobody is ever going to read what is being written. It is personal. It is for "their eyes only". 

For me there is tremendous freedom in journaling. It is here in my interior world where I get honest with myself, my feelings, my thoughts. It is here that I can lay down any pretense or facade that I feel the need to present to the outside world. It is here, alone with my paper and pen, that I write about the things I wrestle with, the sheer delights and joys that surprise me, the brokenness that no one else sees, the fears that sometimes control me, the small victories in my soul. 

At times my journaling is a free-for-all, messy, unedited, stream of consciousness, raw.  Other times it becomes a form of study, researching topics for days on end, seeking for truth.  I journal about relationships, friendships, areas I want to grow in and change in. I write about world issues that trouble me, people who have impacted my life in both negative and positive ways. I write frequently about other people’s writings that have inspired and challenged me. Often by the time I am done journaling, there is a “healing”, a purging of my mind and heart.  There is a sense of peace and empowerment that comes from sorting through the emotional clutter and questions; seperating the truth from the lies.

I love anything that speaks truth to my soul.  And journaling often opens my eyes to hidden truths; gems of truth that are tucked away in those secret places that only God sees and understands.  It is during those times of journaling that I “feel” closest to God; when I feel most strongly that I am being the person that God created me to be. However, I have discovered that there can be a down side to journaling, at least there is for me.  I find that I can too easily withdraw into my introverted world of thoughts and ideas and simply stay there.

One of my favorite authors is Viktor Frankl.  He was a Jewish neuro-psychiatrist who, along with other family members, was forced to endure the horrors of being imprisoned in a concentration camp during WWII.   Dr. Frankl had spent years writing a manuscript detailing a theory of psychology that he developed called Logotherapy.  He had poured years of research and hard work into this book. It had become his purpose and calling.  After being taken prisoner, he lost everything including the manuscript, his life’s work.  In a sense his whole identity was ripped away from him.

In his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Frankl reflects on that horrible day when he arrived at the concentration camp. He wrote:  

“Not yet did I notice that an answer to this question with which I was wrestling so passionately was already in store for me, and that soon thereafter this answer would be given to me. This was the case when I had to surrender my clothes and in turn inherited the worn-out rags of an inmate who had already been sent to the gas chamber immediately after his arrival at the Auschwitz railway station. Instead of the many pages of my manuscript, I found in a pocket of the newly acquired coat one single page torn out of a Hebrew prayer book, containing the most important Jewish prayer, Shema Yisrael. How should I have interpreted such a “coincidence” other than as a challenge to live my thoughts instead of merely putting them on paper?” (p. 120).

That phrase, a “challenge to live my thoughts instead of merely putting them on paper?” struck me hard. Words are powerful tools and can open our hearts and minds to rethink things, to gain insight and understanding, to inspire us,  but if they are not put into action they are meaningless.  Words, in and of themselves, do not transform us. 

More than ever, I want to take up the challenge to LIVE my thoughts and not merely put them on paper.  So why am I blogging?  Isn’t blogging just one more way of putting words on paper (cyber-paper)?  Perhaps; but, it is a step beyond journaling for me.  It is no longer for my eyes only.  It calls me out.  It doesn’t allow me the comfort of  withdrawing into my introverted world, but to share with others, while at the same time inviting others to share with me.  It is an aspect of community that I desire and need.  So, today I am launching out. I don't know how it will all unfold, or what this blog will look like tomorrow or the next day. But, nonetheless, I am letting go of the shore; it is kind of scary, but I, the introvert, am launching out, and looking ahead!  

Shalom!